The Red Skin
Learning to honor who we are in our personal and professional relations is essential to maintain a creative and generating behavior.
Understanding that the being, the individuality, isn’t objectionable, helps to keep the agreements and to make our relations maintainable.
What we are, and for that matter what the other is, cannot be negotiated, it isn’t delivered, it isn’t quantified. The only thing that can be negotiable, measurable or improvable is what we “do”.
As long as we don’t have it clear, we won’t be able to fully embrace the other’s existence, and we will always try to change him.
The fact that what we do is done by the person we are and, above all, our natural born willingness to turn the other into somebody as similar to ourselves as possible, has allowed confusion between being and doing to be overlooked for centuries. Thus, we talk about selfish people and not about selfish behavior, not understanding that , when categorizing someone who has had such a behavior as “selfish”, we are depriving him of any possibility of learning, improvement or change; we are sentencing him.
Most of us observe an instinctive tendency towards the other’s assimilation and homogenization, what has been anthropologically associated with the ancestral hunter/gatherer tribal need to keep cohesiveness, so the tribe can confront dangers as a group.
This explanation may explain the origin of that tendency, of course, but the need which impelled that behavior among those firsts settlers fighting for survival doesn’t relate at all with the current challenge.
From that reductionist “we are” which grows inward instead of doing it outwards, from that “we are” facing the threat from others in whose exclusion grows strong, we advance to the WE ARE in capital letters, and we notice that the benefits from that transit affect both sides. They don’t only enable the other to take back control of his existence, but they free us from our need to project.